it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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