it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
