genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
