areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
