I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
