I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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