Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't notice because vodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
