i would punch a child for taco bell
Buhtt sex?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
