my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize