no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
