So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
