clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
