Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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