i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
