Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
