Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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