woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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