have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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