My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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