Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
