i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize