he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
