he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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