My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
