OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
