God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
