I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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