i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
