we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
