i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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