Swine flu. Run for my life!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
