I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
