think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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