If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
