Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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