you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
