we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
