$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
