Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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