I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize