New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
