I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
