real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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