can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
