we have pet lesbian snakes
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
