One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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