I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
