doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
