As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
