I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
