His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
