you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
