we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
