____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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