Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
