I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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