I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
