only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
