yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
