If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
