Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
