He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Still dying that you shit outside
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
