im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
