I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
