i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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