I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
