I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
