Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
